Are “vanity handicappers” as bad as the 30 handicap, 46-point bandits?

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I didn’t like my score, so I didn’t hand my card in.

There’s a lot said about the World Handicap System setting the environment for 30 handicappers to win competitions with 46 points. It’s a scourge on club golfers, particularly the most competent and honest ones, and a common topic of conversation in the clubhouse.

Less is said about the players who like to keep their handicaps low. Already down about the way they’ve played, and not wanting to compound it by logging in to their app the next morning and seeing the handicap they worked so hard to attain moving the wrong way. They skulk off, the card stays buried in the bag, and they sleep soundly in the knowledge that their precious single figure handicap remains. Nevertheless, they wake up the next morning and feel a bit dirty.

Well, dirty is how I’ve been feeling in the last week. Some background information. I played a lot as a junior and got down to a 12 handicap as a 12 year old. I then stopped playing until three years ago as a 30 year old, when I got the bug again. With a 2 year old at home, my chances to play are limited to somewhere around once a month. I’m not a member of a club, and pay to play each round.

After a summer of being able to play a bit more, I shot the two best rounds of my life back to back, a pair of 3-over par 75s. This took my handicap down from 8 to 4. Do I feel like a true 4 handicapper? Not really. Does it feel great to tell people I play off 4? I’m not ashamed to say yes.

So when I went out for my monthly round at a course that isn’t my regular one (although I have played it probably 5 or 6 times in the past) and hacked it around to record a 13 over par 85, I was really disappointed. I’m realistic and know that, playing as infrequently as I do, I can’t expect to go out and shoot in the 70s every time. But, nursing my post-round beer and feeling sorry for myself as it was, for the first time since starting to play the game again I decided not to compound my misery any further. I said I’d hand a card in, but this time the card was posted in one place only. The nearest bin.

Vanity handicappers. Should we hate them? Should I hate me? Am I just as bad as the 46-point bandits? Is this what I have become?

Now, there’s obviously one crucial difference. Someone with too low of a handicap is very unlikely to take the spoils in competitions. It’s the people whose handicaps are too high that take the glory away from players who play the game in the spirit it’s intended. But it still feels dishonest.

Then again, should every round have to be a competitive one that counts towards your handicap? When I was a kid and a member of a club, there was a clear system. You never put a card in for a friendly round, and that allowed you to play most of your rounds with more freedom- take on riskier shots, chuck another ball down if you duff one, give and receive gimmes from your playing partners, which speeds the game up etc. Then, there were the medal rounds, which was a different kettle of fish. You could still “NR” and go up 0.1 of a shot, which my Dad always impressed on me not to do, but you knew that those were the rounds that counted.

Now I’m not a member and I play less frequently, if I record a card every round it takes away that laid back, friendly side of playing the game. It adds pressure to each shot and an extra kicker if you aren’t sharp that day. Nevertheless, handing a card in each time you play is the only way to get an accurate handicap, whether you play once a week or once a year. And would I be making the same excuses if I shot 3 over again? Realistically, probably not.

There’s a compromise to be had, I’m sure. You can’t only hand in your best scores. Perhaps it’s all about the intention pre-round. Make the call early. I just want a friendly round today, I’m not handing a card in even if I shoot even par. Likewise, I could decide I want to make it a “medal” round and whatever I score, the card will go in. I think that is a fair way forward for golfers who don’t belong to a club. It’s a much clearer picture for members.

The game of golf is so tied in with etiquette, sportsmanship and trust in people to play to the rules properly. That was one of the major things I learned as an 8 or 9 year old starting to play with my Dad and his mates. It’s only one card I’ve not handed in, but even though it doesn’t affect anyone else, I have to say it didn’t feel great. A bit against the spirit of what it’s supposed to be all about. There is suddenly an asterisk next to that handicap I was so proud of attaining.

In any case, I’ll only have myself to blame when I’m still giving 8 shots to my 12 handicap mate, who plays once a week and bombs the ball 20 yards past me off the tee.

Should I be ashamed, or should I be easier on myself? Is my plan for a compromise in the future a fair one? Let me know what you think!